Tucker: Biden has been played by Putin

This is a rush transcript of “Tucker Carlson Tonight” on February 17, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

TUCKER CARLSON, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Good evening, and welcome to TUCKER CARLSON TONIGHT.

So much drama, you can’t say we’re not learning a lot, though. And one topic we’ve learned a lot about over the last year is Russia and the reason we’ve learned about it is because Russia is Joe Biden’s number one favorite topic of conversation.

Joe Biden can talk about Russia forever, meaning in his case for up to four minutes at a time, which at this stage is Joe Biden’s version of a filibuster. You may have asked yourself, when will Joe Biden ever stop talking about Russia? Well, very soon actually, in fact, he seems to be losing his train of thought right now. But don’t worry, he’ll be back to it.

Russia is a very comfortable topic for Joe Biden. He enjoys talking about it much more than talking about say inflation, or crime, or fentanyl deaths, or about how half the population of Haiti appears to be showing up in Florida in leaky boats. Those topics may interest you since you live in this country, but not Joe Biden.

Despite appearances, Biden doesn’t actually live here. In his head, Joe Biden is floating high above the Sea of Azov, swooping in over southeastern Ukraine like a Botox superhero, just to make sure everything is okay with his little buddies, the Ukrainians. Joe Biden is their protector that way.

But he’s also at the same time a scholar and a teacher, not a credentialed educator like the doctor he is married to, Joe Biden didn’t go to Community College in Delaware for a Doctorate in Diversity Studies. He’s just a civilian. But Biden can still lecture with the best of him.

If you signed up for his intro to Russia is bad class this semester, you will not be disappointed. Professor Biden knows that material cold.

So, what have we learned so far? Well, first and foremost, Russia is bad. That’s the name of the course. It’s the entire syllabus actually. It may be the only fact you will come away with after months of heavy coursework. Russia is bad. Learn that and you will ace the exam.

Now, to be clear, we’re talking about Russia here. We’re not talking about the Soviet Union. There’s a difference and Joe Biden has been around long enough to know what that difference is. He has seen it firsthand.

The Soviets wanted peace. Joe Biden told us that repeatedly in the 70s and 80s. Russia, by contrast, just wants war. The Russians are warlike people, it is inherent. Russians are driven by bloodlust. They have tiny brains. Their breath smells like herring. They’re always drunk often on aftershave or household cleaning products.

On Sunday mornings, when good people are still asleep at home with their families, your average Russian will still be lurking through the dark streets, leering through bloodshot eyes, trying to subvert somebody else’s democracy or conquer a peace-loving neighbor. It’s just who Russians are, it’s what they do.

But if there’s one thing you absolutely must know about Russia, if you’re going to navigate this world, that thing is that on February 16, 2022, Vladimir Putin is going to invade our closest ally in the world, Ukraine. So write that down — February 16, 2022, Ukraine invasion begins. That’s the day.

Joe Biden has been very clear about that, so were the Intel agencies and of course, their stenographers in the news media. As Politico put it, quote, “Russia will start a physical assault on Ukraine as soon as February 16, multiple U.S. officials confirmed.” A physical assault.

But this won’t be your typical physical assault like the kind you’ve experienced in the New York City subway, no. According to POLITICO, this physical assault quote, “Could be preceded by a barrage of missile strikes and cyberattacks.” So these aren’t just gang members, they’re Russians.

“The Daily Mail” confirmed POLITICO’s reporting, quote, “Putin has decided to invade Ukraine on Wednesday,” read the headline, “Brits and Americans told to get out now.”

That same day, “The Mirror” in London let us know they had seen Vladimir Putin’s planning documents and Operation Snuff Out Ukrainian Democracy was already in motion, quote, “Russian invasion of Ukraine set for 3:00 AM tomorrow with missiles and tank attack.”

So February 16, 2022 was definitely the day the music was going to die in Ukraine. Everybody knew that. But weirdly, nobody thought to tell the President of Ukraine who is an obedient puppet of the Biden State Department, you might think would have heard the news, but no, he hadn’t. He was baffled by it.

He said this quote: “We are told that February 16th will be the day of the attack. We will make it a Day of Unity. The relevant decree has already been signed. On this day, we will hang national flags, wear blue and yellow ribbons and show the world our unity.” That was President Zelensky.

Now keep in mind that in addition to being a puppet of the Biden administration, President Zelensky of Ukraine was also at one point, a low grade comic of some kind. So he was kidding, that was a joke.

But in the American news media, there are no jokes. Humor has been banned for several years now. In fact, at this point, you’re more likely to hear a joke on a Russian news broadcast than on American television, which is pretty amazing if you think about it. Things have changed.

In any case, the readers of teleprompter on our TV channels did not get this joke at all, so here’s the coverage they produced.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: This is CNN Breaking News.

ANA CABRERA, CNN ANCHOR: We’re back with more on the breaking news just out of Ukraine, President Zelensky saying Ukraine has been informed that this Wednesday, the 16th, will be the day of the attack.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Ukraine’s President Zelensky addressing his nation today about reports Intelligence picked up that actual date for an attack of Wednesday.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Telling them that he is told that February 16th will be the day of the attack.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: President Zelensky saying that his government has been told that February 16th will be the day of a possible attack.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Today, defiant Ukrainian celebrated a Day of Unity. There had been reports and Intelligence warnings that today, February 16th, might be the day of the invasion. Of course, that’s up to Vladimir Putin.

Will Ukraine be ready?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

CARLSON: Vladimir Putin — they didn’t get it was a joke. So it put us in a very weird position where suddenly we were being lectured on humor by Eastern Europeans. Think about that for a minute.

Zelensky’s staff issued a statement explaining that actually he was kidding. So some news outlets had to update their reporting, but they were clearly annoyed with Zelensky quote, “Ukrainian leader makes confusing joke about Russian invasion.” Harrumphed “New York” Magazine.

But here’s the funniest part of all. There was no invasion. February 16th, 2022 was yesterday. Nothing happened. Vladimir Putin did not invade Ukraine.

Now, if Joe Biden noticed the lack of an invasion, he didn’t acknowledge that. He didn’t say a word. Today, he was back on television assuring us once again, the invasion is coming.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

QUESTION: How high is the threat of a Russian invasion right now?

JOE BIDEN (D), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: It’s very high. It is very high because they have not — they have not moved into their troops out. They moved more troops in number one; number two, we have reason to believe that they are engaged in a false flag operation to have an excuse to go in.

Every indication we have is they are prepared to go into Ukraine, attack Ukraine.

QUESTION: Are you going to call Putin?

BIDEN: I’m not calling. I have no plans to call Putin right now.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

CARLSON: So here is a guy who is literally wearing a mask outside assuring us that he is sane and on the ball enough to know when Putin is going to invade Ukraine. But of course, he has gotten it wrong.

What’s going on here?

Well, the most obvious explanation is the most — it is the most obvious one. Doddering old Joe Biden, who even before he was senile was widely considered a moron in Washington, has been played by Vladimir Putin, who may be evil but definitely is not stupid.

If Putin bluffed an invasion of Ukraine to make Biden look ridiculous, it worked. Maybe there was something else going on. Maybe Putin still plans to invade Ukraine. It’s hard to know.

But as you just heard, Joe Biden doesn’t know because he refuses to talk to the Russians. The Russians are too immoral for Joe Biden. That’s saying a lot coming from a former credit card lobbyist who helped run America’s most corrupt state.

But according to Joe Biden, Vladimir Putin is not someone you can ever talk to because he put bounties on the lives of American troops in Afghanistan. How does Joe Biden know that happened?

Well, he got it from the very same people who spent all last month telling us that Putin was going to invade Ukraine on February 16th. Here they are.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JIM SCIUTTO, CNN ANCHOR AND NATIONAL SECURITY CORRESPONDENT: New report says that Russia offered Afghan militants bounties to kill U.S. soldiers. The administration’s non reaction —

BRIAN STELTER, CNN CHIEF MEDIA CORRESPONDENT: CNN matching the reporting side of the source, asserting that the cash rewards did lead to coalition casualties.

BRIANNA KEILAR, CNN ANCHOR Not so long ago, in a land not so far away, there was a Republican Party that would have confronted Russia for putting bounties on the heads of U.S. soldiers.

JOY REID, MSNBC HOST: To say nothing of putting bounties on American troops.

HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: It’s unbelievable, Joy. I mean, he is still yet to say anything as the President of the United States about bounties on American troops.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

CARLSON: So the most discredited people in the world weighing in with total certainty on the most important topics, if you were to sum up the moment we’re living in, that’s how you’d describe it.

Everything that he has told you turned out to be untrue. They were lying. Why were they lying about that? Well, of course, to keep us in Afghanistan forever. Why would they want to do that, you ask? We weren’t achieving anything, obviously. The second we left, the Taliban took over and became one of the best armed militaries in the entire region.

So what we were doing wasn’t working, but they didn’t want us to leave. In fact, they were willing to lie to keep us there. Why? Well, we don’t have any special intel, but we’re thinking maybe the defense industry, profligate campaign donors may have had something to do with it.

Here is Senator Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut explaining that actually Ukraine needs a lot more lethal weapons from Raytheon. Watch.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SEN. RICHARD BLUMENTHAL (D-CT): I was so deeply impressed with how resolute and determined people of Ukraine are. They are courageous, they are steadfast, and they’re going to fight in the streets, their neighborhoods, the fields if we give them the arms that they need and that’s why I’ve also urged the Javelin missiles and the stinger missile to combat their tanks and their aircraft.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

CARLSON: So that guy who lied about his own war services, pretty excited at the thought of Ukrainians fighting and dying in the streets.

These people are so ghoulish. And of course, they’re promoting war, not to maintain the democracy that is Ukraine. Ukraine is not a democracy, it has never been a democracy in its history, and it is not now. It’s a client state of the Biden administration. It’s a place in which opposition media and opposition political candidates are completely shut down by the government, it is not a democracy at all, and it is insulting they would suggest otherwise.

But people like that, and many people in Washington are pushing Ukraine toward war. So we are sending them weapons, and then making it very easy for them to use them. They told us now for months that any preemptive attack by Ukraine, actually isn’t real.

Have you seem Ukraine using these weapons? No, says Tony Blinken. That’s not aggression. It’s a false flag attack by Russia.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANTONY BLINKEN, U.S. SECRETARY OF STATE: Russia plans to manufacture a pretext for its attack. This could be a violent event that Russia will blame on Ukraine or an outrageous accusation that Russia will level against the Ukrainian government.

We don’t know exactly the form it will take. It could be a fabricated so- called terrorist bombing inside Russia. The invented discovery of the mass grave, a stage drone strike against civilians, or a fake, even a real attack using chemical weapons.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

CARLSON: So they’re going to use chemical weapons, but it won’t actually be them. It’ll be those diabolical Russians. Drunk on aftershave.

Once again, there is zero evidence that any of this is true. This is clearly some sort of Intel op that’s being filtered through the State Department and the media. But yet for months now, they told us Russia is definitely going to manufacture a pretext for a Ukraine invasion.

So finally, a lone AP reporter bravely asked, how do you know this? And they immediately accused him of working for Putin. He’s pretty much the only reporter who asked a question like that.

And there’s a depressing irony to that. Matt Taibbi put it very nicely this morning in a piece on “Substack.” Quote: “A big reason we’re supposed to be an improvement over Putin’s Russia,” Taibbi wrote, “… is that we don’t use the news media is an instrument of information warfare.” At least Russian reporters don’t have much choice in being conscripted for this duty. What’s the excuse of Westerners who broadcast C.I.A. gibberish on command? Well, that’s a very good question, and the answer is they have no excuse.

Joe Kent has lived with the sad consequences of lies like these. He’s a former member of the Army Special Forces. He’s also running for Congress in Washington State. And of course, we’re rooting for him. He joins us tonight.

Joe Kent, thanks so much for coming on.

So, you know, nobody on this show is pretending to know what Russia is going to do or what Ukraine is going to do, but our job is to spot lying, and it’s very easy to spot it in this story.

JOE KENT (R), WASHINGTON STATE CONGRESSIONAL CANDIDATE: No, absolutely. This is the same rhetoric that got us into the Iraq War. It’s really tragic to see that our elected officials, our ruling class, our National Security so-called adults in the room have learned absolutely nothing that we learned over the past two decades of continuous combat, especially the lies that got us into a war in Iraq.

So just thank God right now we have independent journalists, we have social media, we have the work that you’re doing, and we can call these people out and call them out for their lies. Because right now, Biden’s political machine is willing to drive us into a war to divert from his failings here at home at the behest of the military industrial complex.

CARLSON: You know, I’ve heard people describe the Intel Community as the fourth branch of government. I thought it was an overstatement, then I see mouth breathers like Tony Blinken just repeating these talking points, clearly, directly from a C.I.A. briefing. I see reporters do the same, talk show hosts do the same, poor old Joe Biden has no idea what he’s saying, but he is repeating the same lies.

It does feel like a lot of our foreign policy is controlled by people we didn’t vote for in the Intel Community.

KENT: It really is. And these so-called Intelligence experts, they’re completely and totally uncreative. They’re not offering any actual solutions. All they’re saying every time there’s a problem is that we just need to go to war at the behest of the Military Industrial Complex when what they should be doing is offering ground truth and saying: Hey, we have other options here. We have economic power that we can use. They should be doing everything to prevent us from going to war, as opposed to every time defaulting to the one thing that has never worked and will be absolutely destructive for not just our country, but for every country and that is war.

CARLSON: Yes, well, you lost your wife in a war, so I think you know a lot about this topic. I hope that more elected officials will start saying what you just said.

Joe Kent, thanks so much for coming on tonight.

KENT: Thank you, Tucker.

CARLSON: So Canada’s descent into total tyranny continues tonight. One of the organizers of the Freedom Convoy has just been arrested. On what pretext? Well, disagreeing with Justin Trudeau, no longer allowed.

Plus, the pause that refreshes. “Final Exam” is back. America’s favorite Judge, America’s favorite Doctor, face off just ahead.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

CARLSON: So Justin Trudeau is now the unchallenged dictator of Canada. Democracy has been cancelled in that country. Trudeau declared martial law.

Our State Department said nothing about this, which suggests they’re in favor of it, which should tell you a lot. Trudeau has begun ordering the arrest of his political opponents. FOX’s Trace Gallagher is tracking that story for us tonight. Hey, Trace.

TRACE GALLAGHER, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: And one of those people Tucker is Chris Barber. He has been a trucker for 28 years and is an organizer of the Freedom Convoy. Tonight, he was arrested in downtown Ottawa while walking with friends.

He did not seem surprised. In fact, he told his friends to call his wife and to post his arrest on social media. Here’s the thing. We don’t know why he was arrested. He is in jail. But there are hundreds of other protesters in downtown Ottawa that are still free. Even Police have not said what Chris Barber is wanted for.

But here he is on Tucker, two weeks ago. Watch.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CHRIS BARBER, ORGANIZER, TRUCKERS FREEDOM CONVOY: We were the ones like the frontline workers, like the medical workers, like law enforcement. We worked right from the start of this pandemic and all the way through it. We were heroes back then, and now we’re zeros. So we’ve decided it’s time to put her foot down.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GALLAGHER: Updates on his arrest as they come in.

Meantime, the Canadian government is not only using powers it has never used. It’s expanding those powers. For the first time ever, Canadian PM Justin Trudeau implemented the Emergencies Act giving him control over travel, the right to assemble, and now ordering banks to freeze the accounts of the Freedom Convoy, no due process, no warrants, no nothing.

Remember last week when a GoFundMe account supported the truckers and it raised $9 million and then was quickly suspended? Well, those donors decided to fund the protest using cryptocurrency, so the Canadian government is now using anti-money laundering, anti-terrorist financial rules to crack down on cryptocurrency, ordering financial firms to freeze 34 crypto wallets linked to the truckers. So far, they’ve frozen $870,000.00 on top of the $9 million already locked up.

Finally, it’s worth noting the Biden administration is also targeting digital currency by appointing a crypto czar and having the F.B.I. form a Digital Currency Unit. The hope is to target cyberattacks and ransomware groups that demand their fees in Bitcoin — Tucker.

CARLSON: Amazing story. Trace Gallagher, thanks so much.

GALLAGHER: Yes.

CARLSON: So the economic part of the story gets too little attention. Our entire financial system, the financial system of every country in the West is based on the idea that politicians can’t arbitrarily take all your money away if you say something they don’t like. That’s why our banks work. That’s why the world puts its money into American banks and Canadian banks for that matter, and British banks.

If that changes, and Trudeau has just changed it, the whole system rocks on its axis. This is a big story. We’re going to have it for you in great detail tomorrow night.

In the meantime, some good news, Hillary Clinton spoke at the New York State Democratic Convention today. There is a lot of speculation she is preparing a third presidential run. We want to go on the record early as supporters. We fully support Hillary Clinton as she runs for President.

So in the name of promoting Hillary Clinton’s next candidacy for President, we want to show you some excerpts of her speech today. Here’s Hillary Clinton making some highly original points about voter suppression and insurrection. Watch.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: When the Republican Party officially embraces violent insurrection as legitimate political discourse; when storming the Capitol, assaulting police officers, trying to overturn an election are being normalized we are in uncharted territory.

Republicans are defending coup plotters. They’re curbing voting rights at precisely the moment when democracy needs champions, when we should be standing together against autocracies.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

CARLSON: So it really was, as she put it, it was an attack on our democracy. It was an attack on our norms. Give that lady a daytime MSNBC show, but should she be the Democratic Party’s presidential nominee once again? Maybe you’re not fully convinced. We’re going to show you a few more clips.

Hillary Clinton has spent her last five years off honing her speaking skills. Here’s Hillary Clinton responding to the news that her campaign spied on Donald Trump in the White House. Watch.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CLINTON: And we can’t get distracted whether it’s by the latest culture war nonsense, or some new right-wing lie on FOX or Facebook. By the way, they’ve been coming after me again lately, in case you might have noticed.

It’s funny, the more trouble Trump gets into, the wilder the charges and conspiracy theories about me seem to get.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

CARLSON: So as you can see, Facebook and FOX News are picking on the girl again. It’s called misogyny. Will she break the glass ceiling? Of course, we’re rooting for her. To our dismay, she did not commit to running in 2024, but she did promise to help the Democratic Party as much as she has in the past.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CLINTON: They will do nothing to invest in our schools or make college more affordable. They’ll ban books, but do nothing about guns. They’ll make it harder for people to vote, but easier for big corporations to bust unions. They’ll let polluters trash our environment and let Donald Trump trash our democracy.

That’s why I intend to work my heart out to elect Democrats up and down the ticket this November.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

CARLSON: So what you’re watching really is a triumph of emerging technology, that entire speech. In fact, everything inside Hillary Clinton’s brain is a product of artificial intelligence. That was written by AI software. Maybe that’s why you may have heard some of it before.

Will it work?

Now, Clay Travis is the man to ask. He was once an active Democrat, even volunteered for Bill Clinton’s re-election campaign. We’re going to mark him down as undecided for Hillary. He’s the founder of Outkick, the host of “The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show,” he joins us tonight.

So are you rooting for her, Clay Travis?

CLAY TRAVIS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Well, look, I think it’s a sign of how bad things are for Democrats right now, Tucker, that Hillary really might be their best option in 2024. Now, she’s going to get crushed, but she might be their best option.

I mean, think about it. You’ve got Joe Biden, who would be 82 years old, and he’s almost incapable of speech now. I can’t imagine in three years how he is even going to be on the campaign trail. You’ve got Kamala Harris, who maybe is the least popular politician in the history of the world, which is saying something.

CARLSON: Ever. Ever. Yes.

TRAVIS: You’ve got Mayor Pete who I think is still on paternity leave, Tucker. But if he’s off paternity leave right now, by the way, he’s also incapable of getting any Black support, and no one wants to talk about it. Remember, he went down to South Carolina, in the primary and got like two or three percent of the vote when Joe Biden, they decided — Jim Clyburn did — to make him the nominee, who else do they have?

I really think — I’m not even being crazy about this — I think Hillary is going to be the choice. In fact, Tucker, Hillary is so excited about getting this opportunity in 2024, that she is already kicking herself that she didn’t bail out the BLM attempted murder in Louisville herself, right?

I mean, and if you look at what’s going on right now, they’re already stifling stories about her on Facebook. You can’t share the FOX News story about the Durham investigation that effectively appears that it is going to prove that Hillary Clinton’s campaign was actually spying on Donald Trump, just like you couldn’t share all of the Hunter Biden stories from “The New York Post” and FOX and everywhere else, even though we now know that that’s true.

And so when you analyze this situation, I think they’re going to toss Hillary out there. And I think she’s going to get destroyed, because here’s the real question, Tucker, and I’d love to hear you think about how the Democrats are going to spin this. If Biden doesn’t run, it is sexist and racist by the Democratic Party’s own standards if Kamala Harris isn’t the nominee, so at least if they go with Hillary, they can cross off the sexist part, it’ll still be racist, but she’ll only be half wrong and half worthy of condemnation.

CARLSON: I think that’s an incisive point. I guess, my one disagreement would be on Hillary herself. Maybe when voters discover how oppressed she’s been? I mean, she seems obviously like this sinister, entitled, you know, rich lady, who’s had everything handed to her. She got a Senate seat because her husband was President, but when people learn that everyone’s picking on her because she’s a girl, don’t you think like Oprah, she’ll become very popular.

TRAVIS: Well, look, I mean, that’s her calling card, right? But she’s going to get beaten in the oppression Olympics by Kamala Harris.

CARLSON: Good point.

TRAVIS: Kamala Harris has got race, right? I mean, if you have the pyramid of victimization lined up, which defines everything in the Democratic Party right now, Kamala Harris is at the apex, right?

I mean, she is the ultimate victim as a Black woman, and if she is not allowed to be the nominee after being Vice President, then Hillary Clinton will be racist. Now, again, she can slide on the sexism angle, but I don’t see how she gets past being racist under Democratic Party ideology right now.

So I think, look, as much as I think Hillary would be the candidate, I think that Kamala Harris is going to racism her to death, and there’s just no way for her to be the nominee. I don’t know how she pulls it off.

CARLSON: It’s kind of amusing to see someone do that to her after watching her do it to others.

TRAVIS: It’s amazing.

CARLSON: Yes, the rich white lady calling other people racist. It’s hilarious.

Clay Travis. Excellent to see you tonight. Thank you.

CARLSON: Hey, great to see you, Tucker. Thanks for having me.

CARLSON: So you just heard a reference to Mayor Pete Buttigieg of South Bend, he’s now believe it or not, the Transportation Secretary of the United States at a moment when our transportation grid is falling apart. Tried to fly commercially recently?

So are you surprised by this? Well, we’re not, now that we’ve learned the details of Pete Buttigieg’s tenure as Mayor of South Bend, Indiana. We’ll have those details for you straight ahead.

Plus, the Judge and the Doctor ready to buzz in for “Final Exam.” Coming up.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

CARLSON: Oh, finally a break from the endless litany of bad news. It’s time for “Final Exam” where we pit the news professionals against one another to see who has been paying attention.

Today’s contestants, the man who prescribes you the pills and the lady who sentences you for the consequences. The Judge versus the Doc.

JEANINE PIRRO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CO-HOST, “THE FIVE”: He is my doctor.

CARLSON: Oh my gosh. He is mine, too.

PIRRO: He is everybody’s doctor, and I want to know if he took any cognitive increasing drugs? I want a test.

DR. MARC SIEGEL, FOX NEWS CHANNEL MEDICAL CONTRIBUTOR: Actually, I did a cognitive exam on the Judge and she beat me so I want to be handicapped.

PIRRO: Yes, well, I didn’t take any drugs.

CARLSON: Oh, she beats all of us. Okay, you all know the rules, you make the rules. You’re a doctor and a judge, but I am going to repeat them for our audience.

Hands on buzzers. I ask the questions. First one to buzz in gets to answer. This is critical. You must wait until I finish asking the question before you respond to it.

You can answer once I acknowledge you by saying your name. Every correct answer gets you a point, every wrong answer subtracts a point from your total. Best of five wins.

Now, keep in mind all questions are multiple choice and you have to wait until you hear all three choices before you buzz. Are you ready?

SIEGEL: Yes.

PIRRO: I want to make sure you’re ready with those buzzers because last time I played the guy hit the buzzer before you finished.

SIEGEL: And then he got disqualified.

PIRRO: No, he wasn’t disqualified. He won.

CARLSON: You’ve seen corruption in our system, Judge, so you know how it works.

All right, question one and this is on the level.

PIRRO: Okay.

CARLSON: After an American health inspector was threatened in Mexico by our cartel, our Department of Agriculture decided to punish the entire country by suspending all imports of which Mexican product? Was it A. Avocados? Was it B. Bell peppers? Was it C. Tequila?

PIRRO: Did I go first?

CARLSON: Judge. Yes, you may.

PIRRO: A. Avocado.

CARLSON: You don’t think it was tequila? Huh? No, we’d know if it was tequila. What was the answer? Let’s go to the tape.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

NORAH O’DONNELL, CBS NEWS ANCHOR: If you love guacamole, you’ll want to pay attention. The U.S. stopped all avocado imports from Mexico until further notice following a threat to an American Safety Inspector.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PIRRO: Did you know?

SIEGEL: Yes, I knew.

PIRRO: You knew that.

SIEGEL: I knew, but I have slow hands.

PIRRO: Okay.

SIEGEL: I’m behind cognitively and I am behind the reflexes.

PIRRO: No, you took a drug, you’re just cheating everybody. Go ahead.

CARLSON: Did you see that tape? I mean Norah read it like it was a landslide in Bangladesh.

PIRRO: Yes.

CARLSON: Just the gravity of the whole no more guacamole. Amazing.

Okay, question two. Build-A-Bear which you may remember if you had small kids at one point has just released a line of drunken raunchy adult bears. They’re dressed in nothing but boxers and devil horns. So, the company has a name for this new collection. Is it A. After dark? B. My den or yours? Or C. Bear-tween the sheets?

SIEGEL: I’m going to say My den or yours, B.

CARLSON: I’m sorry, Doctor, I didn’t hear what you said.

PIRRO: He said B.

SIEGEL: I can change my answer.

PIRRO: You can’t change it.

SIEGEL: I can’t change it. It’s B.

CARLSON: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. The judges and I answer to a higher authority here, I’m merely a cog in a machine are saying that you hit it early, and so it goes by default to the Judge. Oh, my apologies for that.

PIRRO: Really?

CARLSON: Judge —

PIRRO: I didn’t think he hit it early.

CARLSON: That’s what they are saying. This is Justin Wells that work this.

SIEGEL: Okay.

PIRRO: Okay.

CARLSON: So what is it, Judge?

PIRRO: What’s the answer? Is it C?

CARLSON: You say C.

PIRRO: Yes.

CARLSON: Bear-between the sheets.

PIRRO: Hey, listen, I don’t care. I won. Forget it.

CARLSON: No, you didn’t win, you have to answer it correctly.

PIRRO: No, you said, I won by default, Tucker.

CARLSON: Okay, no.

PIRRO: You said, I won by default. So —

CARLSON: You said C.

PIRRO: So there is nothing to talk about.

CARLSON: We’re going to go to the tape and you’ll be judged by the video. Here it is

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

RAYMOND ARROYO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Build-A-Bear sets up an adult’s only site and I’m not kidding — that unveils an After Dark collection of bears, okay, these Valentine Edition tarted up stuffed bears come in little sexy outfits complete with champagne bottles, but the most disturbing feature is when you pass the cursor over these After Dark bears their clothes disappear.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

CARLSON: All right, so Judge Jeanine, our judges are saying that at some deeper moral level you won because you showed restraint; but technically you lost so you now have zero points along with Dr. Siegel.

PIRRO: Wait a minute.

CARLSON: That’s look that’s what they’re saying. Honestly, I can’t —

PIRRO: Well, if he lost by default, that’s the end of it. You shouldn’t have asked me a question.

CARLSON: Look, just picture the French Judge at the ice skating competition at the Winter Olympics that’s what we’re dealing with here. Question 3.

PIRRO: Okay, I heard you.

CARLSON: A security guard at a museum in Russia has been suspended after used a pen to draw what on an avant-garde painting of three faceless subjects? Was it A. Lips? Was it B. Earlobes? Was it C. Eyes? Doctor?

SIEGEL: Lips A.

CARLSON: You believe it was lips? I’m not Sigmund Freud. But this is revealing. Let’s see if you’re right.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He was so bored, he took a pen and then he drew eyes on the faces figures in this painting. It is valued at more than a million dollars. That happened in Russia. Look. He is now being fired and restoration work is underway.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

CARLSON: Okay, it was eyes not lips. So, let’s consider that a Rorschach blot.

SIEGEL: Oh my God.

CARLSON: You’re for lips. Okay, perfect.

SIEGEL: I worked my lips, Tucker. I’m sorry.

CARLSON: Perfect. Thank you. So we are zero and negative one. I’m not a Math guy. We’re on to Question 4.

SIEGEL: Okay.

PIRRO: Okay.

CARLSON: It concerns the new mayor of New York City, Eric Adams. Now, he is a healthy eater, talks a lot about what a healthy guy he is. At a recent press conference. Mayor Adams said that heroin addiction is no different from being hooked on which food? A. Cheese? B. Onion rings? Or C. Bacon? Doctor?

SIEGEL: Cheese.

CARLSON: You believe it’s — and as a physician you’re saying cheese. All right, roll tape.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MAYOR ERIC ADAMS (D), NEW YORK CITY: Food is addictive. You take someone hooked on heroin, put them in one room as someone hooked on cheese put in another room. You take it away. I challenge you to tell me the person who is hooked on heroin and who is hooked on cheese.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

CARLSON: Wow, nice, very good.

PIRRO: You’ve got to be so proud of yourself.

SIEGEL: I know.

CARLSON: Heroin and cheese.

SIEGEL: Because it’s fat and it’s got — it causes you to have a dopamine surge. All the chemicals in the brain are alert.

PIRRO: But isn’t there fat in bacon.

SIEGEL: That’s another possibility. I wouldn’t know —

CARLSON: If you go through Central Park, all the homeless people are strung out on camembert.

PIRRO: Okay.

CARLSON: This is well known.

PIRRO: Of course, they are.

SIEGEL: Cheese is purely addictive. He got it right. The Mayor is a genius.

PIRRO: Not quite.

CARLSON: Final question. Sudden Death. We save the weirdest for last. This story is from Hudson, Ohio. The mayor of Hudson Ohio just objected to a proposal that would have allowed ice fishing. The mayor said ice fishing is dangerous because it can lead to what? A drunken fistfights? B. Illegal gambling? Or C. Prostitution? Judge?

PIRRO: Prostitution.

CARLSON: Okay, we’re going to — before we get to the tape, let me just ask you. How could ice fishing — where are you from any way? Prostitution?

PIRRO: Yes, well —

CARLSON: Ice fishing.

PIRRO: Well, I hear this guy — didn’t quit right after it? He used to think — he thinks people go ice fishing, then they’ve got to warm up. So they bring the hookers over and they have a good time.

SIEGEL: Wait a minute. I am going to —

CARLSON: That is so dark.

SIEGEL: I’m voting for the drunken fistfights because you’re there at the ice. You bring some brandy to warm up.

CARLSON: Of course.

PIRRO: Yes, you warm up with a hooker.

CARLSON: They are all drunk.

PIRRO: Come on.

CARLSON: Okay, Let’s see what the answer is. Roll tape, please.

PIRRO: It’s a hooker.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: If you open this up to ice fishing, while on the surface, it sounds good. Then what happens next year to someone come back and say I want an ice shanty, then that leads to another problem. Prostitution.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

SIEGEL: Whoa, whoa.

CARLSON: Amazing. Judge, you know more about ice fishing than any of us ever would have. Judge, you win.

PIRRO: Thank you very much.

CARLSON: You win. That is “Final Exam.”

SIEGEL: I bet Justin Trudeau was involved in that, right?

PIRRO: Yes, he is.

CARLSON: He is, and by the way, for your victory, you get a Justin Trudeau shirt and Doctor we’re going to be sending you one anyway.

SIEGEL: Oh, great.

PIRRO: I think you should have won.

CARLSON: Everyone gets a trophy on our show.

PIRRO: Thank you very much.

SIEGEL: So him and the hooker.

CARLSON: Thank you, both.

SIEGEL: Him and hooker. Thank you, Tucker. Thank you.

PIRRO: Yes, thank you. We love you.

CARLSON: We’ll be right back.

PIRRO: Hey, congratulations.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

CARLSON: For generations, we imagined that the real problem with our infrastructure in this country was that the roads had potholes and the bridges were falling apart. It was Pete Buttigieg of McKinsey and Co., one of the first to note, no, the real problem with our roads and our bridges in this country is the racist. Here he was in November.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

PETE BUTTIGIEG, U.S. TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY: I’m still surprised that some people were surprised when I pointed to the fact that if a highway was built for the purpose of dividing a White and a Black neighborhood or if an underpass was constructed such that a bus carrying mostly Black and Puerto Rican kids to a beach or would have been in New York was designed too low for it to pass by, but that obviously reflects racism that went into those design choices.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

CARLSON: Racist bridges. Now, we wanted to hear more from Pete Buttigieg. He’s the Transportation Secretary now. He’s breastfeeding today, so he couldn’t join us. But we did want to know what his record on infrastructure was while Mayor of South Bend, Indiana.

Well, there’s a website called REAL News Michiana, and it turns out according to their reporting, Buttigieg does not a very good track record when it comes to fixing roads. His so-called keystone traffic initiative that he put into place as Mayor of South Bend reportedly led to the death of an 11-year-old boy.

That initiative deactivated a non-essential traffic light, and the boy was struck by a truck. Casey Hendrickson is the host of “The Burning Truth” in South Bend, Indiana, and we’re happy to have him join us tonight.

Casey, thanks so much for coming on. And I wish we had talked to you earlier before Joe Biden made this guy in charge of all of our infrastructure, but what kind of a job did he do running the infrastructure of South Bend?

CASEY HENDRICKSON, HOST, “THE BURNING TRUTH”: Well, first of all, I would like to say that we’re not going to apologize for him because I tried to warn everybody about this. When he was being considered for Ambassador to China. That made sense, Tucker, but when he was made the Transportation Secretary, I think we laughed collectively in my studio for about an hour, because he has zero success in infrastructure planning in South Bend at all.

Everything he touched, that dealt with transportation was a miserable failure, including smart streets, which got Tristan killed, and he was warned about that. He was told that there was serious issues with there being no lights and people going to that bus depot at seven in the morning.

It doesn’t get light until around eight o’clock in South Bend in the wintertime. So you can’t see children crossing the street, and people have been hit at these roundabouts, especially in front of the hospital for a long time and this is supposed to be the pedestrian friendly revamping of downtown South Bend.

CARLSON: So look, this is a new show, so we want both sides. We want to be fair, so I just have to ask you the question. Did he make the roads less racist, though? He obviously made them more dangerous, but did they become more equity oriented as mayor?

HENDRICKSON: I suppose that’s a great question. He’s increased people’s commute by about 13 minutes or so, and I would say to you probably made it more racist considering the demographic surrounding downtown South Bend, Tucker, because what he did is he effectively increased response time from first responders and there is some high crime areas around there that would primarily affect minorities in South Bend and he has actually made it a lot worse for them to get aid from first responders than before.

CARLSON: Wait. You’re telling me that a guy from McKinsey spends all his time yammering about how much he loves Black people but then actually hurts them when he has a chance?

HENDRICKSON: Go figure. Who knew? It’s weird. Here’s the thing. Tucker, Pete Buttigieg and his party have been talking about how South Bend has been systemically racist for as long as I’ve been here. There hasn’t been a Republican mayor since before I was born, that had kept — South Bend Common Council is dominated by Democrats.

If South Bend is a systemically racist city, it is because the Democratic Party made it that way.

CARLSON: You know, they used to say that about Montgomery, Alabama, too. And they were right. I sure appreciate your coming on. Casey, thank you so much. And again, my apologies for not talking to you earlier, it would have been helpful. Thank you.

HENDRICKSON: No. I appreciate the time. Thank you so much.

CARLSON: We’ll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

CARLSON: Before we go tonight, I want to address an ongoing controversy. There has been some outrage in the “Final Exam” community over Dr. Siegel’s buzz in tonight. Did he buzz early or not?

Well, we’ve consulted our judges, our counsel, Arthur Andersen and NASA and we have this video review for you. Here it is.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CARLSON: Or C. Bear-tween the sheets.

SIEGEL: I’m going to say My Den or Yours. B.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

CARLSON: I am not sure that’s the right tape, but you’re going to have to trust us on this one. Dr. Siegel buzzed early. Take our word for it. We’re like Justin Trudeau. We’re in charge now.

Speaking of Justin Trudeau, tomorrow, a new precedent has been set in Canada. If the government doesn’t like your political opinions, they can just seize your bank account. What does this mean for the West’s financial system? It means something, that’s for sure.

In the meantime, we’re out of time, we’ll be back tomorrow night at eight and every weeknight. The show that is the sworn enemy of lying, pomposity, smugness, and especially groupthink.

Have the best night with the ones you love. Here is the Great Sean Hannity.

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