Suicide can be a tough topic to talk about — especially when it involves students at young ages.
That’s why educators at Ahern Middle School invited a speaker Monday for both students and parents to glean tips about bullying and suicide prevention.
Guest speaker John Halligan’s 13-year-old son Ryan, a middle school student in Essex Junction, Vt., committed suicide on Oct. 7, 2003.
It was revealed in much greater detail after Ryan’s death that he was ridiculed and humiliated by peers at school and online.
In memory of his son, Halligan spearheaded the Vermont Bully Prevention bill, signed into law in May 2004, a few months after Ryan’s death.
He also successfully led the law’s passage on mandatory suicide prevention education in public schools in April 2006.
Halligan has been outspoken about the need for more education and prevention of bullying, cyber-bullying, and teen suicide throughout the United States, Canada and Latin America. He has appeared on several national TV programs, including Primetime with Diane Sawyer, PBS Frontline, and Oprah. He also spoke at the United Nations Cyberhate Seminar in 2009.
Kerryn Frazier, a principal at Ahern, heard about Halligan’s story through an Ahern family that had friends who had seen the presentation in another district and asked if the school would consider bringing the presentation to the middle school.
After researching it, including gathering feedback from other districts and speaking with Halligan, Frazier said they decided this was something they wanted Ahern students and families to experience.
“With all of the peer pressure facing pre-teens and teenagers in the use of social media, internet, and cell phones, as well as the social-emotional challenges students everywhere are facing, we felt this presentation would be impactful to our students and help them to make safe, and responsible choices,” Frazier said.
She said they were inspired by Halligan’s focus on messages of hope and kindness throughout his presentation to students.
“We hope students will accept Mr. Halligan’s challenges to them to be upstanders rather than bystanders, to talk with and seek the help of trusted adults, and to give a heartfelt apology to someone who is owed one. We hope families hear concrete strategies for how to best support their children at home and as they navigate social dynamics in school and online.”
Halligan said his son’s story is important for every middle school student to hear in this country and worldwide because it is so relatable to the struggles they are encountering now.
“Although, my son’s death was nearly 20 years ago and in a time when middle schoolers were primarily using AIM (AOL Instant Messaging) one of the early versions of social media, what went wrong there is the same as what is going wrong now with the use of smartphones and the current popular apps,” Halligan said.
“The misuse of AIM was the very start of cyber-bullying which unfortunately has only gotten worse since his death with the invention of the smartphone and all of the social media apps it carries. Ryan was one of the first victims of cyber-bullying that contributed to his tragic decision to take his own life,” Halligan said.
Halligan has been to more than 2,000 schools and reached well over a million students since he started doing this full-time, and has been to about 50 states, three provinces in Canada, and also to Mexico and Columbia.
He said he leaves important takeaways:
1) Forgiveness is the best way to move forward.
2) They are loved beyond belief, so never feel ashamed to seek help for suicidal feelings.
3) Don’t be a bystander to bullying, be an upstander. Stand up to the person doing the bullying, especially if it is your friend who is doing the bullying because you have the most power and influence over them.
For the teacher and staff, he said: “Be vigilant of the ones who seem very depressed and withdrawn, too, and make sure the counselors are aware to help.”
And for parents, he said to stop giving very young children smartphones — it is creating a lot of stress and behavioral problems because they are simply too immature and not ready to own one.
“The suicide rate among middle school students has tripled since the smartphone was first introduced. A smartphone should be at best, an 8th-grade graduation gift, not a 4th-grade one. They are also losing their innocence far too young with easy access to pornography and falling prey to harmful trends promoted on sites like Tik-Tok and Instagram,” Halligan said.
Ahern parent Amy LaBrache who attended the parent portion of the presentation said: “I found it to be informative and very heartfelt. I felt it was worth every minute to attend to learn the signs, and ways to prevent and speak to our children about this topic.”
Another parent, Erica Cleary, said she’s glad she went to hear the presentation.
“I thought it was so informative and impactful. Seeing the correlation between the introduction of iPhones and the increase in child/teen suicide was really a ‘wow’ moment for me. Even though I’m constantly thinking about how damaging smartphones/social media apps can be, it was just a huge reminder that I need to go back and set up limits/restrictions that were completely lost in my home during COVID,” Cleary said.
“I’m especially thankful that Ahern hired Mr. Halligan to address this sensitive topic with our children and make them aware that their words can have a huge impact on someone’s life. I went home and reiterated to my children how important it is to be an up-stander and not a bystander — that speaking up and doing what is right could potentially save someone’s life,” Cleary said.
Co-president of the Parent Advisory Committee Carrie Weston attended the presentation to learn about Ryan’s story and to help understand teen mental health as it relates to bullying and cyber-bullying. “I want to be able to support and equip my kids as they navigate middle school and its challenges, but just as important ensure they are good friends and schoolmates to help those around them,” she said.
“Kids are so vulnerable these days — the massive increase in suicides in the 10-14 age group is deeply troubling. My takeaways were straightforward; limit and monitor phone use and stick to the boundaries created to keep them safe with appropriate online behavior,” Weston said.
“I was also reminded that our kids will not tell us everything, no matter how good the relationship may be. Our kids need other trusted adults and outlets such as family members, teachers, and/or counselors to share their feelings and concerns,” she said.
